Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
