I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
