The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
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