It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Randomize
