I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
