She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Best friends brother. Beat that.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Randomize
