Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
porn star boner night. come get it.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
