She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
