Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
4 words: hood of his car
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Are we still banned from the library?
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
