Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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