I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
