Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
