Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
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