New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
