It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
