Come see our sink grown plant.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
