I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
if i died would you start the facebook group?
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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