I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
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