How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
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