After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
