You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
