its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
