We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
