ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
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