I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
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