Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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