We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
