my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
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he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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