I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
