I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize