she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
