You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
