his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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