I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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