I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
