i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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