Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
