it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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