oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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