new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
