Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize
