somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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