alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
