Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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