Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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