Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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