i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
