Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
