Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
