Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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