they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
