And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
