You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
