it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
