he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
