Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
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