omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
