I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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