i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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