So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Boobs speak an international language.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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