Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
