someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
My vagina just clenched in fear
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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