Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I just blew my weed a kiss
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
