Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
So squirting runs in the family.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
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