Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Randomize
